Proverbs 27:15-16 (CEV) The steady dripping of rain and the nagging of a wife are one and the same. It's easier to catch the wind or hold olive oil in your hand than to stop a nagging wife.
- These verses from Proverbs tell us that a contentious woman is very hard to deal with; that being the case, it would be wisdom to avoid marrying a woman like that. If a man has a good wife, he is blessed; however, one who is contentious and nags continually, is a curse to him. The dictionary definition of the word "contentious" is "always ready to argue, quarrelsome." A woman who nags all the time and complains all the time, is just like listening to dripping water. We all know listening to the sound of something going "drip, drip, drip, drip, drip" is quite unsettling and gets on your nerves after a time. Nagging wives can cause the same reaction as a dripping sound that does not cease. Verse 16 tells us that a contentious woman, because of her argumentative nature, is also like trying to stop the wind. The other analogy given is like trying to hold on to something when your hands are covered with oil. It would just slip through your fingers. Another Proverb states that it is better to dwell in the wilderness than end up with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 21:19 (CEV) It's better out in the desert than at home with a nagging, complaining wife.
- The Bible tells us that those who are contentious will reap what they are sowing by yielding to unrighteousness, indignation and wrath. They will have tribulation and anguish in the earth and could end up in hell. However, we are told those that yield to God and do good works will receive glory, honour and peace.
Romans 2:5-11 (CEV) But you are stubborn and refuse to turn to God. So you are making things even worse for yourselves on that day when he will show how angry he is and will judge the world with fairness. God will reward each of us for what we have done. He will give eternal life to everyone who has patiently done what is good in the hope of receiving glory, honor, and life that lasts forever. But he will show how angry and furious he can be with every selfish person who rejects the truth and wants to do evil. All who are wicked will be punished with trouble and suffering. It doesn't matter if they are Jews or Gentiles. But all who do right will be rewarded with glory, honor, and peace, whether they are Jews or Gentiles. God doesn't have any favorites!
- The opposite of a contentious woman is a virtuous woman. The value of a godly woman is spoken of in:
Proverbs 31:10-12 (CEV) A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find! Her husband depends on her, and she never lets him down. She is good to him every day of her life...
- What husband would not love a woman like that? He may have houses and riches, but money cannot buy a virtuous woman. She truly is a gift from God, as it takes God in her life to be the kind of woman that is lovely and good.
Prayer for the Day:
Dear Heavenly Father, I am thankful that when we come to You, we can be set free of any character traits that are not like You. Lord, fill me with the Holy Spirit so that I do not allow any angry words to come out of my mouth. Lord, help me not to yield to a contentious attitude nor have an argumentative spirit. May I be a kind and loving person that is a peacemaker. Help me to speak gracious things and to be a good witness in all that I say and do. May I always love and do good to my husband all the days of my life. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Visit this devotional on Betty' Miller's website by clicking HERE! Click on the left hand side for other Daily Devotionals written by Betty.
As always, please be encouraged as you read the information below. I have written this to support you and to teach you something that you may not already know. I myself have a long way to go in becoming the Proverbs 31 woman. This information is not intended to make you feel guilty or inadequate. How can we practice what we haven’t been taught? If this subject interests you and you have a passion for being a virtuous wife and strengthening your marriage, please read and study up on this subject. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…”(Hosea 4:6). It is never too late to change, and to turn a situation around.
If you are a single woman this information is also for you. Remember that the prince's mother was instructing him to find a woman who already had these characteristics, to make his wife.
She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:12
She does him (her husband) good. The Proverbs 31 woman only wants to do what’s best for her husband. She supports, encourages, and loves him. She listens to him not only as a wife, but also as a friend. She is concerned for his happiness and joy, not only how he can bring her happiness and joy. She praises him for the good he has done, which gives him encouragement to continue doing good. As a wife are you appreciating what your husband has done, or chastising him for all that he hasn’t done? Is he encouraged by your words, or does he find that he can’t do anything good enough for you? Is he proud to introduce you as his wife? Can he trust that you won’t embarrass him by ridiculing him in front of others? Have you taken the time to discover both your and his love language, and do you speak to him in his language?
And not evil. As women at times we feel crabby, overwhelmed, unappreciated and discouraged. It’s at these times we must not retaliate against our husbands, but again find our reward in God. Our husbands get wrapped up in their own struggles and disappointments, just like we do. Before we become angry and resentful we need to stop and realize we are to treat them well and not with evil as God has asked of us, not because they deserve it. Just as God has forgiven and gone easy on us when we haven’t deserved it. Be consistent and committed to treating your husband as God desires. You will cause goodness not only to flow out of you, but your husband as well. This is God’s plan. He has given us as women a big job, and it’s a very important task. Are you up for it?
Beware of strongholds that can impede your goodness towards your husband.
Guard your thoughts about your husband! Don’t roll over and over in your mind his shortcomings and past mistakes. Squash those thoughts as soon as they come into your mind!
Stay on top of your spiritual life. Stay in a close relationship with your God. Study His Word, pray, and read motivational Christian books and devotionals daily.
All the days of her life. This is a life long commitment you have made as the Proverbs 31 woman. It will take diligence and a lot of hard work, until death do you part.
In the book Beautiful in God’s Eyes, author Elizabeth George has a list you’ll see below. Use it so you can follow through on this plan to do your husband good and not evil all the days of your life. Again I strongly recommend this book to you. It is so full of information and encouragement. Don’t forget to share this information as you raise up your daughters so that they too can be a women beautiful in God’s eyes.
Always contribute spiritually. Don’t discourage your husband about God’s plans as Job’s wife did (Job 2:9).
Bless his name. Allow “the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26) to rule your words whenever you talk about your husband.
Control your spending. Be sensitive to the family’s financial situation.
Discipline, raise, and train his children. Proverbs 31 is faithful teaching of a godly mother to her husband’s child.
Encourage his dreams. Fan the flames of his personal aspirations.
Follow his leadership. Eve brought sorrow of heart to her man - and to the world - by not following him.
Give your husband the joy of a happy home. Don’t be the contentious, brawling wife of Proverbs 19:13.
Habitually exhibit a steady, predictable, even-keeled nature. Be sure there’s no Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde in your home!
Indulge in praising him. A good word makes a heavy heart glad (Proverbs 12:25). Let your mouth be a spring of goodness!
Join him in sexual pleasure. Rejoice his heart and satisfy him “at all times” (Proverbs 5:18-19).
Keep up with your spiritual growth. Seeking the Lord regularly is the best way to contribute goodness to your husband.
Look not at what others have. Be content – and delighted – with your husband’s provisions for you.
Make prayer a part of your ministry to your husband. Nothing creates a deeper spring of goodness in a heart!
Now try your hand and heart at finishing this list of goodness! Refer to it daily – and, of course, do it!
It is my hope that this blesses your home! Love, Torrie
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapmanis a book that has blessed me and my marriage and I want to share it with you. I think it's one of those books you should read at least once a year as a refresher for keeping the love alive in your marriage.
Also, understanding your spouse and the way they speak and receive their love will help you on your way to becoming the Proverbs 31 woman!
Now remember, don't try to force your husband to read this book! Imagine how you would feel if he handed you a book on how to rotate your tires and insisted that you read it. Yah, I didn't think so. Always be inspired to lead and set a good example. In time they will follow. Just be patient. Love is patient, love is kind...(1 Corinthians 13:4)
Please read the information below regarding Dr. Gary Chapman and the book from The 5 Love Languages website. Below the summary I have posted the brief description of the 5 languages from the website as well.
"With more than 30 years of experience as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman has heard it all. He has helped couples at every stage of marriage and at pivotal points in their relationships—from those just discovering the joys and trial of marriage to those who are ready to call it quits.
After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.
Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
The 5 Love Languages® has helped countless couples identify practical and powerful ways to express love, simply by using the appropriate love language. Many husbands and wives who had spent years struggling through marriages they thought were loveless discovered one or both spouses had long been showing love through messages that weren’t getting through. By recognizing their different love languages, they witnessed the rebirth of the love they thought had been gone for good.
The book has been translated into more than 40 languages and is healing marriages around the world!"
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
It is my hope that this book blesses your home & your marriage. I believe the first key to happiness is peace in your home & in your relationship with your spouse. Your entire family is built on this relationship! It's important that it is healthy...not perfect, but healthy.
Please be encouraged as you read the information below. I have written this to support you and to teach you something that you may not already know. I myself have a long way to go in becoming the Proverbs 31 woman. This information is not intended to make you feel guilty or inadequate. How can we practice what we haven’t been taught? If this subject interests you and you have a passion for being a virtuous wife and strengthening your marriage, please read and study up on this subject. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…”(Hosea 4:6). It is never too late to change, and to turn a situation around.
If you are a single woman this information is also for you. Remember that the prince's mother was instructing him to find a woman who already had these characteristics, to make his wife.
Please also re-read the previous two posts The Proverbs 31 Woman, and Verse 10. I want to make sure these verses are presented to you in context so they make sense.
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. – Proverbs 31:11
The heart of her husband trusts in her. The husband of the Proverbs 31 woman can completely trust his wife because of her strong, unshakable character. Her strength emotionally, mentally, even physically is steady like a rock in her husband’s eyes. She is his rock. She will support, encourage, and comfort him. He can depend on her to do the right thing in all situations. This will not only bless their lives as a family, but also his name and reputation in his community. When a husband can trust his wife in this way he is free from anxiety, discouragement, and his heart can be at rest. He can be confident in her loyalty, which God highly values.
He will have no lack in gain. Her husband can trust that she will be wise with their finances. She saves and plans ahead where she can. He does not worry that she will sneak behind his back spending money they do not yet have, and jeopardize their financial future by running up credit card debt. She can live simply and do without luxuries when needed. Her loyalty in this area allows his heart to rest, because of the trust he has in her.
Below is a checklist for loyalty in ten different spheres of life from the book Beautiful in God’s Eyes by Elizabeth George. I recommend you read this book, as it is full of knowledge and encouragement on your journey to becoming the Proverbs 31 woman.
Can your husband’s heart and mind rest because of your diligent management of his (and your) assets (Proverbs 31:27)? Can he depend on you to be thrifty, wise, and debt-free?
Are you a devoted mother, dedicated to training up obedient children who love the Lord, who love their father, and who bring honor to their names (Proverbs 31:1-2)?
Is your husband encouraged by the knowledge that all is well – and will be well – at home because of your focused efforts to run an orderly home (Proverbs 31:13, 27)?
Is your husband’s heart at rest because he knows that you will do him good and not evil all the days of your life, never causing any questions about his character to arise (Proverbs 31:12, 23)?
Can your husband trust and even rejoice in your life-long faithfulness to your wedding vows (Proverbs 5:18)?
Does your husband rest in the knowledge that he can depend on you to be emotionally steady and stable, avoiding blow-ups and flare-ups (Proverbs 14:30)?
Are you a fountain of joy, delighting yourself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4) and refreshing the hearts of those at home?
Can your husband trust you to handle the challenges, difficulties, and crises of life with Godly wisdom (Proverbs 19:14)?
Can your husband count on you to conduct yourself with graciousness (Proverbs 11:16), discretion (Proverbs 11:22), virtue (Proverbs 31:10), and dignity (Proverbs 31:25)?
Positive progress in the preceding nine areas is progress in love! You see, love is known by its actions. Your active care of your husband’s assets and the details of his life is powerful evidence of your love for him (Proverbs 31:29).
Again, please be encouraged! Start tomorrow morning. Your husband may wonder what you are up to. LOL! Be honest with him and tell him that you want to be a rock for him to lean on. Make sure you don’t nag him about doing the same in return. Lead by example and he will eventually follow. I have more information I will provide for you on this topic. But for now let’s take these baby steps together because this character business is hard work!
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. - Proverbs 31:10
I want to break down the Proverbs 31 woman for you verse by verse. There is a treasure trove of knowledge in every line of this description of God’s ideal of feminine character and beauty.
First of all we must be aware that God’s idea of beauty is far different from the world’s idea of beauty. God says of Himself “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, and My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine…My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9) It will take the study of the entire chapter of Proverbs 31 to fully understand His idea of beauty, so lets begin.
Who can find a virtuous wife? Let’s start with the meaning of the word virtuous. There are two sides to this word, the power of mind and the power of body. The power of mind is comprised of moral principles and moral excellence. The Proverbs 31 woman needs this power of mind to keep from giving up and to have some stick-to-itiveness. Many of the traits of this woman will be seen in the verses to follow: her honesty (verses 11-12) thriftiness (verses 14,16), kindness (verses 20, 26), etc. The power of body means the strength of the body to accomplish tasks and to be effective. This virtuous woman’s life and all she has to accomplish requires a lot of physical energy and stamina. Examples of this will also be seen in verses to follow: she works from early in the morning until late at night (verse 15 & 18), and she helps the needy (verse 20). This woman, in all of her power of mind and power of body, is an actual army of virtues! The word virtuous is used some 200 times in the Bible to describe an army. Mental toughness and physical energy are the traits of an army; they are also the traits of God’s virtuous & beautiful woman.
For her worth is far above rubies. The red ruby is very unique and rare. Large rubies even surpass diamonds of equal weight in value. Other translations of this verse state that her worth is far above diamonds as well. Back when this chapter of the bible was written and this mother told her son of this virtuous woman he was to find for a wife, living conditions were very hard and bleak. They fought daily for their survival. This virtuous wife truly was the sparkling gem in her husband and children’s lives! She made their bleak living conditions lovely with her care and demeanor. Her smile, kind words, and love for her family was the beauty in their lives. Proverbs also speaks of the rude and cold wife who is rottenness to her husband’s bones (Proverbs 12:4) and the brawling woman whose husband can no longer endure living in the same house with her (21:9 and 19, 25:24). None of us are determined to be this woman, however stress and our fast paced lives can lead us away of our true purpose as a wife and mother.
I want to leave you with this information for now, but I’d like to come back to you with information about how we (and I mean me as well!) can change our habits, our lifestyle, and our attitudes to be more of a sparkling jewel in the lives of others. I don’t think that Proverbs 31 is for wives alone. All women can aspire to be like the Proverbs 31 woman and can do so as she prepares herself to find a companion, raises her children as a single mother, or just lives happily as a single woman who is beautiful in God’s eyes!
If you are truly interested in studying more about the Proverbs 31 woman, I recommend the book Beautiful in God’s Eyes by Elizabeth George. This book is simply and beautifully written, and is so encouraging. Much of the information I am sharing with you, I was blessed with by this book.
Who is the ideal woman? How does she act, think, and live? What does she look like? Do her looks really even matter?
Proverbs 31 is a passage in the bible that describes a conversation between a mother and her son, a prince who would one day become a king. She sat him down while he was very young with the intention of teaching him not only the ways of being a great leader (Proverbs 31: 1-9), but also the qualities he should look for in a supportive wife (Proverbs 31: 10-31). These qualities she teaches him are God’s ideal of feminine character.
I have always found this story very fascinating, and at one time researched and read all I could on it. I think it’s time I revisit this information and I’m excited to share it with you, especially if you are not familiar with it. There is so much information to be had; I feel it would do the topic more justice if I break it into different posts for you.
I want to leave you with the section of Proverbs 31 that describes the virtues of an excellent woman, and a wife of noble character. Please take into consideration that this was written in a different place and time; so take the specifics with a grain of salt. Focus on how you can translate it into your own life. I have used The Message Bible translation below only to make it simple and understandable. If you’d rather read a different translation please click on this link, www.biblegateway.com, where you can look at it in whichever translation you prefer. I personally enjoy the New Living Translation for most of my studies. I hope you enjoy this passage and that it will bless your day.
More to come!
Proverbs 31 (The Message)
10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.
She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.
She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God (meaning one who honors God).
Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!